I suppose I should discuss offshore sportsbook picks, but c’mon, it’s the offseason. Let’s riff a little, have some fun at retired NHLers’ expense.

I’m betting, unless you’re a real dieheard hockey fan of 20-plus years, that you haven’t heard of Chris Nilan. Well, he was one of the more prolific goons of the late 1980s and early 1990s, playing with Montreal and Boston.

Apparently he was just arrested for trying to steal a bathing suit, which he was wearing under his clothes at a retail outlet. He apparently took a swing at a security guard and wrestled with cops on the ground before proclaiming he “just wanted to save a few bucks.”

I can’t begin to process the sadness of this scenario. Former tough guy, beaten down and forced to steal a bathing suit and rumble with cops? I feel bad even writing about it after he made so many hockey games worth the price per head in his career.

Thanks for at least defying any sports predictions I could’ve made this summer, Chris.

Sad day. Not an offshore sportsbook kind of sad, where all the bettors who made money on the Colorado Avalanche over the years cry into their drinks because the Avs are rebuilding.

Sure, Burnaby Joe Sakic helped many of us win those parlays, but the main story of today is how much we’ll miss him as hockey fans. He was a class act — a quiet guy who led by example and was an ambassador for the sport (like Georges St-Pierre on this weekend’s UFC fight card. Hint hint, Canada — you have a gold mine in that kid. Stop ignoring him!). He gave us many memorable clutch moments — playoff overtime winners, winning Gold with Canada in the 2002 Olympics (he was MVP). And of course, there’s the wrist shot — the heaviest, most deceptive, most famous wrister in NHL history.

We’ll miss you, Joe. Let’s hope this ain’t the last of you in hockey. According to my sports predictions, you’ll be back in some capacity. Think of the price per head they’d charge in Denver if you got behind the bench with Pat Roy!

Just what the Sens’ offshore sportsbook odds need — another soft, enigmatic forward!

Joining a long list that includes Marian Hossa, Alexei Yashin, Martin Havlat, Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley, Kovalev will fight riiiiiight in. He’ll razzle, dazzle and probably dash the Sens’ betting hopes in the playoffs. Actually, scratch that — the Sens won’t sniff the playoffs next season anyway.

At least he’ll sell tickets and I’m betting management in Ottawa knows that. While he should improve offensively — he’ll have his best linemates since his early Pittsburgh days — don’t expect him to influence the Sens’ sports predictions too significantly.

Hmpf. Many of the online betting fans following the Blue and White are happy with Brian Burke’s offseason but I have to wonder if they’d be saying the same if it weren’t for one key signing — the Mike Komisarek deal, of course. That’s a great deal but it’s the only major move the Leafs have made so far.

In my sports predictions, I have to wonder if there’s a bit of collusion happening against Brian Burke. He’s always been a colorful, brash, in-your-face speaker, but he did so in West Coast markets or in Hartford, which may as well have been Greenland. Now, every sound bite he gives has a much bigger ripple. Saying stuff like “we’re trading up, we’ll aggressively pursuing so-and-so” — almost daring the league to stop him — may have ruffled a few feathers.

Overall, I like Burke’s style and I’m willing to accept the consequences that go with his actions. But I’d bet at the offshore sportsbook that more than one GM said “You know what? He made me a good offer but I’m sick of his antics and don’t want to get pushed around, so I’m not trading with him.:”

Am I crazier than someone picking Roddick’s Wimbledon odds Sunday? Maybe, but I’m betting management in several NHL cities could prove me right.